dreama and the nightmares

A Blog about Grief

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:25:22 -0500

Here I sit on my couch staring at the tv. There are so many people around me that want to talk, want to scratch my back and hug me. While Im appreciative, I just want to talk you, little computer. I’ll pretend for a second that this message will enter into cyber space and never find its way to into anyone’s judgement.

I lost my mom. I cant believe it. It was quick, it was a shock and the last conversation I had with her was meaningless and stupid, and I was distracted, buying vegan shoes online. I dont even remember saying “goodbye.” We usually ended conversations with “I love you, bye.” I sincerely hope we said that this time. On November 4th I was sitting in my Los Angeles hotel room annoyed that I was being held there by a network for a screen test i’d completed the day before. I was anxious to get home to my boyfriend and my dogs. I lollygagged all day, my friend Shawn came to pick me up and took me out to lunch, he dropped me off, I called my boyfriend, we shot the shit for the next hour. When I got off the phone it was 4:07 PST. My mom died at 7:20 EST. I will forever despise the moment when I looked at the clock 13 minutes before my mom died and didn’t call.

I know, I know. You cant regret anything. Its useless. According to the doctor that performed the autopsy, she did not suffer. My hope is that she did not even have a second to worry.

i cant believe i lost my mother yesterday.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:29:45 -0500

this just made me very happy.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:00:39 -0500

this just made me very happy.

via images.starpulse.com This is my nephew, Shawn. I know,...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:34:07 -0500

via images.starpulse.com
This is my nephew, Shawn. I know, he’s 2 months younger than me. He’s my step nephew? His father married my sister. We went to pre-school together. And today he is taking me to lunch today since im in stranded in LaLa land. He just keeps showing up everywhere.

Us.

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 18:40:10 -0500

Us.

Chris as Mrs. Butterworth’s, he thought of this costume,...

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 18:38:27 -0500

Chris as Mrs. Butterworth’s, he thought of this costume, made it, and owned it. bravo!

I dressed up as cupid last year. Moments after this photo was...

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:56:41 -0400

I dressed up as cupid last year. Moments after this photo was taken, after perhaps one too many glasses of the ‘ol prosecco, I galloped down my marble steps to greet my dear friend upon her arrival. In doing so, I missed a few steps and bumped my way down the stairs on my ass finally landing and sliding into the trash can. Oh what a night.

Here was my bruise.

Our Halloween Costumes 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:41:18 -0400

Samson ( the pomeranian ) is a banana, Maggie ( my dachshund ) is a bee,

I am a Bavarian Beer Girl and Chris is Mrs. Butterworth’s. Happy Halloween Alliteration!!!

me and sam about 14 months ago. look how tiny and feeble he is,...

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:36:48 -0400

me and sam about 14 months ago. look how tiny and feeble he is, and oh boy what a redhead!

Accidentally Vegan, the list of foods will blow your mind!!!

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:48:19 -0400

Accidentally Vegan, the list of foods will blow your mind!!!

whoever said dogs couldn’t smile. Maggie at the Dachshund...

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:43:59 -0400

whoever said dogs couldn’t smile. Maggie at the Dachshund Halloweener Parade, post lobster costume.

its unnecessary, irrational, illogical but i want it SOOOO...

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:39:03 -0400

its unnecessary, irrational, illogical but i want it SOOOO BADDDDD.

its $5300 with taxes.

but the first time it got banged or if got stolen, i’d be devastated.

Photo

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:29:34 -0400

Photo

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 11:26:32 -0400

Samson and Maggie as Romeo and Juliet, for the New Yorker!

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 11:26:02 -0400

Samson and Maggie as Romeo and Juliet, for the New Yorker!

Another FANTASTIC reason why we should not eat pigs!

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 14:35:19 -0400

Another FANTASTIC reason why we should not eat pigs!

TOPSHOP, i love you. You have managed to make black, studded...

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:38:12 -0400

TOPSHOP, i love you. You have managed to make black, studded jeans that come in a PETITE SIZE!

Little women, rejoice!

pumpkin maple cream filled whoopies. um, go get some from whole...

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:31:02 -0400

pumpkin maple cream filled whoopies. um, go get some from whole foods.

samson.

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:24:02 -0400

samson.

Halloween Help?

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:20:32 -0400

does anyone have any great ideas of how to make me look like a pancake for halloween? boyfriend is being mrs. butterworth.